I'm taking on this blog thing kinda how I take on this Mom thing. Wingin' it. This is my first blog post. I've always loved to write and felt a pulling to do so from a young age. So here goes....
Down the winding staircase he goes, what he's thinking, at times I do not know. My boy. This is my sweet Eli. The boy whom gave me the title Mommy. I friggin' love this kid.
I have two beautiful kiddos, this is one of them and he's 7. I also have a WiLd 1.5 year old. Mom-ing is the most amazing thing but boy, can be hard. Am I right? Like, real hard. #thestruggleisreal
Parenting is hard. There is no one book that has the universal answers for all. I wish there was, don't go look, I assure there is not. The boy walking down the staircase is 7 and really trying his hardest to figure out this life thing. Somberly, I look at him like, "me too buddy, me too".
It's hard for young minds to process things, express their feelings and accurately communicate what their hearts are feeling. I mean come on, it's hard for adults.
Well, the other night he wasn't listening. Not a new thing for kids or anything but his Dad and I got frustrated. Eli, my son, has always been very sensitive, like his Momma. Sorry kid. He' so intuitive to others feelings. Its' almost as if he feels part of their emotion in his heart. It's a great thing but also a curse as I know first hand.
He finally listened after about 10 minutes of "stretching" and dilly dallying. He was in the bathroom, water running, door closed so we assumed he could not hear us and really didn't even think much of it if I'm being honest. My husband and I were talking. Nothing bad just stating that lately he's had a hard time listening. We were discussing how maybe we need to do things differently. I am such a talk things out kinda parent. I said you know, he's not a bad kid. My husband agreed whole heartedly. I was saying no one is perfect and we cannot and should not expect perfection from him or anyone for that matter. Heck even grown adults don't listen to their boss or spouse.
He's the most chill kid I know. But in this moment he came into the room crying and so upset. " I heard everything you guys were saying". He threw himself on the bed and started weeping. My heart shattered in this instant. He cried and was sad for a good hour. He proceeded to write on a piece of paper, "I'm a bad kid". Um yeah if that doesn't crush your soul, not sure what would. Seriously I was holding back tears. I.felt.horrible. He took what we said which was but standard parent talk to us and internalized it and it crushed him.
I felt like such a failure of a Mom. We both felt like failures.
He's seriously the greatest kid. I mean I know I'm bias but he really is great and anyone who knows him will agree. He's funny, sensitive, loving, empathetic beyond his years and exudes endless joy and love.
The night did not end in peril though. It ended with such a great lesson for ALL of us. We took this time to express to him that rest assured there WIll be times that we get frustrated with one another but to know that we will ALWAYS love each other, we will ALWAYS forgive. We will ALWAYS continue to learn and grow as a family. We are a team, a unit and he's never alone.
You see I try and be like "Joy" in the animated kids movie Inside Out. If you haven't seen it, you should. Joy is always just that - - joy. She only knows how to be joyful. She feels that life is good when it is filled with joy always. Sometimes I feel this way. My kids life is not good if it's not joyful. But here's the thing, as you see in the movie. Life is and must have sadness, anger and frustration. That is just who we are as humans, we are full of countless emotions. It can not only consist of joy. And experiencing these emotions and situations will help him live in the real world. I like to think life is sunshine and roses but reality is, it's not and that's okay.
These lessons and discussions would not have happened if the night would have went 'joyfully' perfect. I felt like such a failure as a parent but I realize there are going to be hard times in this journey of parenting. I am going to make mistakes, probably the same damn ones over and over but that does not mean my kids life is bad. It's in those hard times that great lessons can be learned and taught and this just makes us stronger as a family. We tell him all the time just because a kid makes a bad decision, doesn't mean that kid is a BAD KID. Well, I guess we as parents should listen to our own words of wisdom. Because my husband and I felt like bad parents.
We aren't failures as parents if we make a mistake, we are just parents.
I feel so blessed to have the husband I do to raise these littles together. We ended the night with laughs, run hugs, kisses, giggles, snuggles and yep joyfully shouting our family slogan, "It's a great day to be alive". I snuggled him close and breathed in all the magnificent wonder that this child is. He says, as his head is laying on his pillow about to drift off, "I'm so happy Mommy, I'm so happy I have the family I do". Me too kiddo, me too.
Mom-ing, Parenting is tough but it's the BEST thing in the world and I wouldn't have it any other way.